Do we have a Joke Thread goin here?
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Computer Hits back
PC- http://ac1.streaming.net.nz/trn/hauraki/PC.wmv -
@dave r said:
Why did the chicken cross the road? >
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MCCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
SARAH PALIN: You betcha he crossed the road, but let's not talk about that, let's talk about energy policy, and how gosh darn hard it is for a middle-class hockey mom to manage the budget of the only state in America with a massive surplus, especially while surrounded by countless Russian and Canadian chickens we have to keep an eye on.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure - right from Day One! - that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken...What is your definition of crossing?
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain... alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
someone E-Mailed me this
heres a funny one
a man had a lamborghini he saw a duck he pulled over and smashed 2 trees, then
Al gore What did you doo?????!!!!!
man: i didnt want to hit the duck.
Al gore but you killed a tree!
man: i didnt mean too.
the next day he was sued by the park for hitting the tree whitch was in the park boundries
he put a message by where the ducks were: d@mn you duck you cost me moneysrry bout swearing
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first one IN an e-mail
One reason not to get drunk:
3 guys were in a bus. one had budwieser one had bud light and the third guy had root beer
the first guy says to the third guy: get REAL beer. the second guy says the same thing. they all threw their dinks away and got on a plane. the third guy told the first guy to go into the bathroom and put something on and handed him a suitcase. he told the second guy to hit on some 15 year old girl. so they did. the first guy came out with a bra on the piolet told him to take it off. the second guy however started swearing to the piolet. he said: Thats it! im landing in LA get your stuff and Go you messed up alchohaulics!
2nd one (better)
a 6th grader and his mom were at a table trying to solve a math question 2 trains are crossed with each other. one is going 50MPH and the other is going 50MPH they are 80miles apart how long will it take for them to meet then the kid says, So the people know how much of their life is left before they crash? -
Am I the only person thinking "huh?" at those two jokes?
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Im a bit lost as well, maybe we're missing something.
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@jackson said:
Am I the only person thinking "huh?" at those two jokes?
nope i accually think they were bad =(
it was the first day of school. the kindergardeners were saying their names, last was a kid with the name: yu. so the teacher asked what his name was and he said yu this happened 6 times until the teacher said, okay who the hl are you. he said yu. so the teacher said, you uneducated little brat who the ****in Hl are you?!
the point of this story is this;
the best way to piss off a teacher is to name your kid yu -
I like bad jokes (well, up to a point), but I read and re-read those two jokes and I understand neither the setup nor the punchline. I'm comletely baffled- were they autotranslated from another language?
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Jackson, maybe it was the punctuation?
My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! ..........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'My condition has now been upgraded from critical
to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery. -
@dave r said:
Jackson, maybe it was the punctuation?
My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
' THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! ..........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'My condition has now been upgraded from critical
to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
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First of KDSDESIGN [Kids Design
]No quoting of messages right above yours. I believe Coen has given you a warning about this also.
Secondly, I'm having a very hard time believing that you are 22. Those 'jokes' look like they've been typed by a hyperactive 10 year old
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HFM,
i get E-mails from cousins alot and post them randomly. there is no need to say that i get this alot.
2nd of all no mocking me, all it does is make you look inmature. (sorry if that was rude)
3rd im not gonna post SNL jokes and get myself kicked out (half of them arent funny anyway)
4th its off topic (so is this lol) -
@kdsdesign said:
i get E-mails from cousins alot and post them randomly. there is no need to say that i get this alot.
And yet, you don't wise up? How profoundly peculiar.
Anyways.
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@kdsdesign said:
first one IN an e-mail
One reason not to get drunk:
3 guys were in a bus. one had budwieser one had bud light and the third guy had root beer
the first guy says to the third guy: get REAL beer. the second guy says the same thing. they all threw their dinks away and got on a plane. the third guy told the first guy to go into the bathroom and put something on and handed him a suitcase. he told the second guy to hit on some 15 year old girl. so they did. the first guy came out with a bra on the piolet told him to take it off. the second guy however started swearing to the piolet. he said: Thats it! im landing in LA get your stuff and Go you messed up alchohaulics!
2nd one (better)
a 6th grader and his mom were at a table trying to solve a math question 2 trains are crossed with each other. one is going 50MPH and the other is going 50MPH they are 80miles apart how long will it take for them to meet then the kid says, So the people know how much of their life is left before they crash?Are these the jokes that people aren't understanding?
The first...I'm guessing is not supposed to make sense. It is the reason you should not get drunk.
The second, though poorly told perhaps...is funny because the people are aware of the looming collision?The sad thing is, I actually laughed at the first one, my first time reading it...even though it made no sense at all.
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i didnt like it eiether
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Banta, a furniture dealer from Ludhiana, decided to Expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Chennai to see what he could find.
After arriving in Chennai he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well Back home in Ludhiana.
To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bar and have a beer. As he sat enjoying his beer, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat.
Before long, a very beautiful young woman came to his table, asked him something in Tamil (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the Chair. He invited her to sit down.
He tried to speak to her in Hindi, but she did not knew Hindi so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a beer glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of beer for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bar and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was Packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Banta has no idea how she figured out he was in the Furniture business.
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Why is the little Egyptian boy confused?
Because his daddy was a mummy...
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You should be ashamed Gai!!!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frost Bite
Apologies.
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Why doesn't Santa let the Elves ride with him in the sleigh?
He can't afford the Elf Insurance
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A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box.
We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up.
Oh! and Please pack my new blue silk pajamas.
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?
He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike,
but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"..
The wife replies, " I did , they're in your tackle box."
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