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    Do we have a Joke Thread goin here?

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    • dermotcollD Offline
      dermotcoll
      last edited by

      A man owned a small farm in Ireland .

      The Irish Internal Revenue determined he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent an investigator out to interview him.

      "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them!," demanded the investigator.

      "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him €200 a week plus free room and board. "The cook has been here for 18 months and I pay her €150 per week plus free room and board." "Then there's the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about €10 a week. He pays his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

      "That's the guy I want to talk to...the halfwit!" said the agent.

      "That would be me," replied the farmer.

      When you burn your arse - you gotta sit on the blisters!!

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      • D Offline
        d12dozr
        last edited by

        10 Guinness' in 10 Minutes

        An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone $100 if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes."

        Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations. One guy even leaves the bar.

        A little while later that guy comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"

        "Sure," he says.

        So the bartender lines 10 Guinness' up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.

        As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?"

        The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."

        3D Printing with SketchUp Book
        http://goo.gl/f7ooYh

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        • dermotcollD Offline
          dermotcoll
          last edited by

          Hi d12dozr - didnt realise you knew Rich and myself!!!

          When you burn your arse - you gotta sit on the blisters!!

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          • david_hD Offline
            david_h
            last edited by

            In response to the discovery that some nuetrinos travel FASTER than the speed of light. . .

            Bartender: We don't accept no sub-atomic particles that travel faster than the speed of light in HERE!

            A nuetrino walks into a bar. . .

            think about it.

            If I make it look easy...It is probably easy

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            • boofredlayB Offline
              boofredlay
              last edited by

              Two drums and a cymbal fall out of a tree... http://www.badum-tish.com/

              http://www.coroflot.com/boofredlay

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              • GaieusG Offline
                Gaieus
                last edited by

                Only use Internet Explorer on a freshly installed Windows OS.

                And only as long as you download another browser.

                😒

                Gai...

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                • boofredlayB Offline
                  boofredlay
                  last edited by

                  ?

                  http://www.coroflot.com/boofredlay

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                  • Rich O BrienR Offline
                    Rich O Brien Moderator
                    last edited by

                    Epic Fail

                    Download the free D'oh Book for SketchUp 📖

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                    • BoxB Offline
                      Box
                      last edited by

                      And in reply to Boo's drum joke.
                      http://sadtrombone.com/

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                      • GaieusG Offline
                        Gaieus
                        last edited by

                        A blond was in bed with her husband:
                        Her: Darling would you remarry if I died?
                        Him: Oh, I don't know!
                        Her: What, don't you like marriage?
                        Him: Yes, of course! ... Maybe I would remarry.
                        Her: Would you let her live in my home?
                        Him: Well, its my home too, so, yes!
                        Her: Would you let her in my bed?
                        Him: There's other bedrooms in the house.
                        Her: Would you let her use my golf clubs?
                        Him: No!
                        Her: Why not? You'd let her live in my home!
                        Him: Because she's left-handed!
                        Her: Oh, alright then.

                        Gai...

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                        • GaieusG Offline
                          Gaieus
                          last edited by

                          Class reunions...

                          After 10 years:

                          • where shall we go for dinner?
                          • To the Blue Angel. There is a pretty waitress there.

                          After 20 years:

                          • where shall we go for dinner?
                          • To the Blue Angel. They are said to have good food there.

                          After 30 years:

                          • where shall we go for dinner?
                          • To the Blue Angel. They are said to have some diet menu there.

                          After 40 years:

                          • where shall we go for dinner?
                          • To the Blue Angel. They have disabled accessibility there.

                          After 50 years:

                          • where shall we go for dinner?
                          • To the Blue Angel. We have never been there... 😒

                          Gai...

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                          • F Offline
                            FlapsyD
                            last edited by

                            Maybe this is an old one but couldn't resist ...

                            A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm,
                            his mother asks if he had done his chores.

                            "Not yet," said the little boy.

                            His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

                            Well, he's a little p*ssed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.
                            He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.
                            He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

                            He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

                            "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.

                            "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

                            Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat half way across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says,

                            "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"

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                            • MarianM Offline
                              Marian
                              last edited by

                              • Dad, how did I came to be?
                              • Son, I think you'll find out sooner or later so I'll tell you.One day me and your mother entered a chat room and then I set up a meeting with her via e-mail. We met in a virtual internet cafe and we snuck into a private room where your mother agreed with the download from my hard drive.
                                As soon as I was ready to upload, we found out that neither of us had ever used the firewall before and because it was too late to press delete, nine months later we were blessed with a small pop-up which started screaming with all its might: You've got male!!

                              http://marian87.deviantart.com/

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                              • D Offline
                                d12dozr
                                last edited by

                                I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow
                                me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would
                                tell me to take a few days off.

                                So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker
                                (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending
                                to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a
                                few days off.

                                A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you
                                doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.

                                He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple
                                of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office.

                                When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you
                                think you're going?"

                                She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

                                3D Printing with SketchUp Book
                                http://goo.gl/f7ooYh

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                                • Dave RD Offline
                                  Dave R
                                  last edited by

                                  🤣

                                  Etaoin Shrdlu

                                  %

                                  (THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE)

                                  G28 X0.0 Y0.0 Z0.0

                                  M30

                                  %

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                                  • irwanwrI Offline
                                    irwanwr
                                    last edited by

                                    🤣

                                    I didn't know that there's such thread in this forum before

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                                    • GaieusG Offline
                                      Gaieus
                                      last edited by

                                      • Doctor, I heard that married men live longer
                                      • No, they just feel it is much longer...

                                      Gai...

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                                      • david_hD Offline
                                        david_h
                                        last edited by

                                        Heard this today on the way to work. . .

                                        A guy and his Girlfriend were playing chess when the girl says. . .

                                        "So. . you wanna make this more interesting?"

                                        "yeah!"

                                        So they stopped playing chess.

                                        If I make it look easy...It is probably easy

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                                        • boofredlayB Offline
                                          boofredlay
                                          last edited by

                                          😆

                                          http://www.coroflot.com/boofredlay

                                          1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                                          • MarianM Offline
                                            Marian
                                            last edited by

                                            A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend
                                            $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she
                                            stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the
                                            clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

                                            "About 32," is the reply.

                                            "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

                                            A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl
                                            the very same question.

                                            The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."

                                            The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."

                                            Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store
                                            on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints
                                            and asks the clerk this burning question.

                                            The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

                                            Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"

                                            While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next
                                            to her the same question.

                                            He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
                                            young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds
                                            very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra.
                                            Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

                                            They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the
                                            best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

                                            He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around
                                            very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he
                                            gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them
                                            against each other.

                                            After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am
                                            I?"

                                            He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
                                            says, "Madam, you are 50."

                                            Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
                                            tell?"

                                            The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"

                                            "I promise I won't." she says.

                                            "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

                                            http://marian87.deviantart.com/

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