CHUCK NORRIS

pav_3j

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

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solo

Chuck Norris runs Vista in an etch-sketch.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Some folk pee their name in the snow, Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.

plot-paris

@solo said:

Chuck Norris can delete the recycle bin.

@solo said:

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

my favourites so far

pav_3j

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

Pav

pav_3j

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

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CraigD

When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.

- CraigD

P.S. I met Chuck Norris once and got to shake his hand... I am now a lefty!

solo

The Chuck Norris version of Lord of the rings is 10 minutes long, as he destroyed the ring as soon as he was given it.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Noris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Noris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

pav_3j

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

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boofredlay

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Alan Fraser

Chuck Norris is one quarter Cherokee....nothing to do with his ancestry, the man just ate a Jeep.

When you spell Chuck Norris wrong in Google it doesn't ask "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" it says "Run...while you still have the chance."

plot-paris

@unknownuser said:

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

what a wonderfully ambiguous one.

pav_3j

@solo said:

Chuck Noris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

easily my favourite so far.

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igor

chuck norris doesnt get wet, water gets chuck norris

every night before he goes to bed, the boogy man checks his closet for chuck norris

some kids wear superman pajamas, superman wears chuck norris pajamas.

chuck norris once took a road trip from NYC to hawaii.

chuck norris can slam revolving doors

chuck norris once sued NBC for infringing on the copyrights on the words "law" and "order", the names of his left and right legs, respectivly

258,

ps, that was from memory. oh ya.

Daniel

Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

Daniel

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

dazza

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh!t from anybody.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.

Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.

pav_3j

Chuck Norris can lick his own elbow.

Chuck Norris knows that you are now trying to and failing.

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remus

Chuck norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Apple pays chuck norris 99 cents every time h downloads a song.

There is no ctrl button on chuck norris' keyboard. Chuck norris is always in control.

remus

Chuck norris doesnt read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck norris doesnt sleep, he waits.

Chuck norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.

remus

And finally chuck norris does maths:

Chuck norris is i.

Chuck norris knows sqrt 2 as a fraction.

Chuck norris can divide by 0.