Punny

Dave R

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to
be an optical Aleutian .
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.
Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on ahead.'
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
that votes.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
'Dam!'
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

solo

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

EarthMover

Those are historical!

tim

She was only the conductor's daughter, but she knew Sir Henry Wood.

Atheism: not so much a religion, more a personal relationship with reality.

Document my code? Why do you think it is called 'code'?

What is the difference between a Duck? One of its legs is both the same… (I don't get it either but I still think it's the funniest gag ever)

Gaieus

@dave r said:

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

And the one with the smallest d*ck was Sir Cum-Size.

boofredlay

@dave r said:

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

And the rest of King Arthur's Court can be found here:
http://forums.sketchucation.com/viewtopic.php?p=40585#p40585

dale

So if you burn the last draft of your failed novel, is that decomposition?

Box

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) Leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Daddy, what is butt dust?"