CHUCK NORRIS
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The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
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When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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The Chuck Norris version of Lord of the rings is 10 minutes long, as he destroyed the ring as soon as he was given it.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Chuck Noris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.
Chuck Noris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
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Chuck Norris is one quarter Cherokee....nothing to do with his ancestry, the man just ate a Jeep.
When you spell Chuck Norris wrong in Google it doesn't ask "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" it says "Run...while you still have the chance."
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@unknownuser said:
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
what a wonderfully ambiguous one.
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@solo said:
Chuck Noris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
easily my favourite so far.
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chuck norris doesnt get wet, water gets chuck norris
every night before he goes to bed, the boogy man checks his closet for chuck norris
some kids wear superman pajamas, superman wears chuck norris pajamas.
chuck norris once took a road trip from NYC to hawaii.
chuck norris can slam revolving doors
chuck norris once sued NBC for infringing on the copyrights on the words "law" and "order", the names of his left and right legs, respectivly
258,
ps, that was from memory. oh ya.
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Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
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Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
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They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh!t from anybody.
Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Ironically, Chuck Norris’ hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Chuck”.
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Chuck Norris can lick his own elbow.
Chuck Norris knows that you are now trying to and failing.
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Chuck norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Apple pays chuck norris 99 cents every time h downloads a song.
There is no ctrl button on chuck norris' keyboard. Chuck norris is always in control.
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Chuck norris doesnt read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck norris doesnt sleep, he waits.
Chuck norris can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
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And finally chuck norris does maths:
Chuck norris is i.
Chuck norris knows sqrt 2 as a fraction.
Chuck norris can divide by 0.
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Chuck Norris can stop his VHS recorder from blinking 12:00
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Chuck Norris is so hard he can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice
Chuck Norris can set fire to ants using a magnifying glass. At night!
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
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Chuck norris doesnt bowl strikes, he knocks down 1 pin and the other 9 faint.
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