Writer's Thread
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Oh! Yeah, I get it. Don't worry though, I think We'll both start signing our names so you can tell us apart.
Like this:
--PinkSkink
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Here's the alien's ship. Modeled by me (PinkSkink) in Sketchup.
--PinkSkink
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Wonderful story! I thought it was interesting that Maclean had some compassion for the worms. I will be interested to see if the worms and the humans fight over Terra. You do a wonderful job creating the environments that you tell the story in. Anyway, keep up the writing and the modeling!
Joshua
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Hi Joshua!
Thanks for the comments. Maclean really only has compassion for the worms when he is under their mind-probe--not all the time.
And I hate to dash your hopes...but there won't be any fighting between the Terrans and the aliens. Maclean is actually going to defeat them singlehandedly...and I know that sounds wierd, but it'll make sense
.Thanks for the compliments too!
--PinkSkink
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I really like the story! Keep us updated!
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Just a little update to let eveyone know I haven't forgotten about this story
The ending of the story is coming soon--I just need to finish editing it. For now, here's a few paragraphs.
@unknownuser said:
Any feeling of friendship he had for the aliens was gone. He realized that it lasted only while the alien was inhabiting oneâs brain. He also was horrified at how close he had come to betraying Terra. If the aliens continued to probe his mind, he realized, it would not be long before he would break down and tell them everything. How could he stop them?
He remembered his military training. Back when he had still been on Terra, he had undergone a hypnosis session after every briefing. The hypnosis had integrated a key phrase, such as âMrs. Brown makes pancakes every Friday,â into his mind. If uttered, this phrase would erect certain mental âwallsâ, and prevent him from remembering the subject of that weekâs briefing. He could not prevent the worms from learning most things, such as the size of the Terran population, or their psychological strength, but he could at least slow them down. He could buy time, to think about how to escape, to get back to Terra, to warn the others. But how? He had no idea.
The hours stretched into monotonous days, broken only by the mind-probe sessions, which became ever more frequent. Ren
Tikdanak continued his relentless picking and probing at the barriers Maclean had erected. Sometimes, though, the alien would get tired, and drift off into long reveries about his home planet. Maclean traveled with him, through the delicate highways and tunnels of TaYawha II. The name of the star, Ta`Yawha, could be translated into Standard as âgiver of lifeâ, and indeed, that was the view that the aliens took.The Ta`Yawi relied entirely on the star their planets orbited for their food. Every dwelling had, floating high above it, a metal platform connected to the house by a narrow chute. The platform was filled with a type of rock, called siket, which changed into a gray crystal when subjected to high levels of heat. This was automatically chipped off and sent down the chute, where the household devoured it.
Enjoy!
--PinkSkink
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I hate to bump a thread that's as old as this, but I've finally finished the story! If anyone's interested...
Anyway, here it is:
@unknownuser said:
This way of living might have led to a stagnating society, but the TaâYawi found diverse ways to keep themselves occupied. They spent much of their time travelling to various nearby planets, and cataloguing the life found there. Maclean caught a sense of the thrilling danger of this unusual job, but it was a danger the TaâYawi welcomed, for it kept them from sinking into a stagnant, dead lifestyle.
Some specimens of this life were brought back to the TaâYawah II, and were kept in âzoosâ, or museums. There, the TaâYawi conducted research on the aliensâ way of thinking, reacting, and reasoning. They also kept samples in deep-freeze, to prevent extinction of a species. The TaâYawi valued diversity in thought, and constantly sought new ways of reasoning and looking at problems. A human may look at an issue from both sides--a TaâYawi will examine it from ten different sides, and Maclean realized that this adaptability in thought was the key to their survival.
Although Ren`Tikdanak had indicated food on the table, and although it had been replenished consistently, there was no liquid of any sort. The food, a gray block about the size of his hand, was as dry as the chalky dust of the asteroid. When he had expressed his wish for water, he had met a peculiar reaction--confusion mixed with what he felt sure was revulsion. It cast doubt upon his theory that the aliens were withholding water from him to break down his resistance.
He had long ago given up the supply ship as lost. He could not imagine what sort of accident would delay such an important ship, but he was sure he had been kept a prisoner by the aliens for more than 10 days. The lack of water was beginning to tell on him, and he knew that he could not keep up his mental barriers for very long. Already he could feel sharp, insistent fingers prying and probing and creating new cracks.
Another contributor to his disorientation was the strange, almost schizophrenic quality that his life took on. When the aliens were in his mind, he felt a compassion, a loyalty for them, that was quite inexplicable. When he was alone, he hated them with every fiber of his being, and dreaded the soft, insistent rustling they made as they moved. When the aliens were in his mind, he racked his brains to try and remember the information he had so carefully walled off. When he was alone, he shuddered to think how close he had come, that time, and vowed that next time, he would be strong--next time, he would resist them.
Days dragged by, and he became weaker and weaker. He cursed himself when he gave the coordinates for a small, remote asteroid base much like the one he had been assigned to, but the guilt he felt was faint, and he soon forgot it in his persistent, painful longing for water.
And then, one day, something unusual happened. It was during one of the grueling mind-probe sessions that he suddenly remembered the exercises room in the asteroid base. Its main feature was a large, round swimming pool. The water was distilled from ice that formed on the dark side of the asteroid, and was purer than anything to be found on the whole of Terra. Swimming in it, in the low gravity, was more like flying than anything else. As for diving--
Here his thoughts were cut abruptly short by a searing wave of pain that washed through him, and a chilling sense of unearthly terror. When the pain subsided, he found himself lying face down on the floor. The circle of worms which usually gathered around to watch his mind being dissected had retreated to a respectful distance and were writhing agitatedly among themselves. But where was Ren
Tikdanak? Maclean got to his feet and looked around. RenTikdanak was in one corner, struggling and squirming like an earthworm that had been cut in half. Even though he and Maclean were no longer connected by any mind feelers, Maclean could feel the sheer horror eminating from the alien. Then, abruptly, he ceased his struggles and lay quite still.
From the new mind-prober who took Ren
Tikdanakâs place, Maclean learned that RenTikdanak had gone insane quite suddenly, and had died soon after. He had been driven insane by something he had seen--or felt--in Macleanâs mind. But what? Maclean could tell that this new alien was not eager to find out--his probing was much more gentle and tremulous. But Maclean was weakening, and the aliens would not find it hard to wrench his last few secrets from him if he lay in a stupor. He had to find out what drove Ren`Tikdanak mad. Soon.
Kirk Maclean leaned back in the soft leather chair and lit a cigarette. The man across from him, a hard-bitten, rugged commander, waited for him to continue his story.
âI finally put two and two together, and realized what had happened. The aliens were from a desert planet.â
The commander raised an eyebrow. âHow do you figure that?â
âSimple. The air they breathed was unbelievably dry, as was the food. They were confused and disgusted when I asked for water. When I thought about it for a while longer, I realized what had driven Ren`Tikdanak mad.â
âWhat?â
âFear of water. They had evolved on a desert world, learned to live without water. They had to. And although they were only disgusted when I wanted to drink the stuff, they were horrified when I imagined immersing myself in it.â
Maclean blew out a cloud of smoke.
âImagine if you were--oh, lets say, afraid of heights. You might feel uncomfortable if a friend told you about his recent journey in one of those new air yachts.â
âYou mean the sorts like a glass bubble with one engine. I guess I might. But what does that have to do with anything?â
âThe worms didnât just read my mind--they felt the experiences. I know this because the same thing happened to me. I felt their emotions, not just observed them. When I imagined swimming, Ren`Tikdanak felt what I was doing. He himself was immersed in the noxious stuff--he wasnât just watching me swim. It would be like if your friend projected all his feelings and sensations into your mind when telling you about his air yacht journey.â
The commander nodded. âI see. Go on.â
âAfter I figured this out, water was all I thought about. I imagined rainstorms, tsunamis, and swimming. I think I must have driven three mind-probers mad in as many days.â He smiled grimly at the remembrance. âEventually, I guess, they realized that Terra just wasnât the planet for them. The next thing I remember, the crew from the supply ship were storming in the airlock of the asteroid base.â
The commander looked puzzled. âThatâs right. I guess the worms must have left you there. Wonder why they didnât kill you? Maybe they were being humane.â The commander laughed sharply at his joke, but Maclean did not.
âI think they were. Just because they did all that to me doesnât mean theyâre an evil race of slimy worms, you know.â
The commander shrugged.
Maclean contemplated the end of his cigarette. âI wonder where theyâll go now? Terra was the only possibility left them, I remember.â
âSo long as they stay out of this galaxy, I couldnât care less.â
Maclean nodded absently and left, promising a full report later that week. But his mind was busy with another problem. Where does a whole race go, when it has staked its hopes on one goal, and that goal is revealed to be a dead end? He remembered vividly the hopeless apathy he had sensed in the aliens, that first day of captivity. He remembered the aliensâ desperate gamble that this planet would be the right one. Time was running out, he knew, and their ace in the hole had vanished.
He walked home, pushing through the crowds of milling, aimless people. And he thought of Terra, a race which had passed its glory days, which was stagnating in a flood of 3-d videos, robots that did even the most minute task, and meals at the push of a button. He realized that the strange, double existence he had had as a prisoner of the aliens enabled him to look at Terra from a coldly objective viewpoint. He found himself asking a question which, two weeks ago, his proud military nationalism would have rejected instantly: If only one race could have Terra, who should?
The Terrans or the aliens?
The End
I'd really love to see any writing that any of you have done! This thread isn't just about me, you know!
Anyway, hope you like the story.
--PinkSkink
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Great stuff, PinkSkink! I liked how he kept envisioning more and more water and it was fighting the aliens off and he didn't realize it at first! I also liked the empathetic views he had at the end. As if after all that mind-probing he did start to care for them and see their point of view. Or maybe he was seeing from multiple sides like the aliens had adapted to do. Very enjoyable story!
As far as any writing from me... I am not much of a story-writer. Though I do write songs quite often. Recently, I've been working on a song for a friend that's about how she should wear a helmet when riding her bike. It's pretty silly!
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Wow, that was really good. I'm not just saying this, it is fantastic! keep you your writing, i loved how you ended it! I'll make a little analysis if you don't mind!
I love how you portray the Aliens at first. You make them seem so evil, so dark. Maclean hated the Aliens; only when he was under their probes did he feel any sort of compassion. As the story went on, i seemed to notice something. Mclean and the Aliens started to mirror each other. What I mean is, towards the end, Maclean got desperate for water, much like the Aliens were desperate for life. Water does represent life, doesn't it? As Maclean became parched, he maybe began to connect with the Aliens because he was shown how it felt to be desperate, even if this was an accident. His mind was opened (maybe the mind probing had another goal, maybe they wanted him to see their desperation, facing the extinction that they were so desperately avoiding and trying to help other species to avoid) to the view and situation of the Aliens.
Let me go back to the water if you would let me. Ironically, to the Aliens water is not a source of life but rather a death trap which caused them to go insane. I don't think Maclean hated the Aliens. I think he, upon being driven to insanity himself by the lack of water, used the water against them. However, i think he would've done this even if he was hydrated, as he wanted to escape. I do, however, believe that if he were hydrated, he would have felt sorrow for the cold and lifeless body of Ren`Tikdanak, as opposed to the assumed adrenaline he got out of it. Water can also been seen as an obscuring factor (like looking through water, images get distorted in position). Now which of these was true? Were the Aliens' probes distorting his mind and psychologically wearing him out, causing him to hate them with every ounce of his being; or was it the water, or lack thereof, that caused him to lose his true sense of sight, making him desperately insane. Does this resemble the position of the Aliens in a way ("this"= 2nd view of the distortion), but flipped? The Aliens are driven to madness by water, yes. But the major parallel i see here is the aliens' food being like water! It gave them life (water symbolizes life), and without it, they are driven to madness.
I think Maclean finally realized that the world doesn't revolve around the Terrans, but that life or the means for its continuation should never be taken away from a person(s) simply because they are seen as different than us. Maybe Maclean was right. Maybe we are in a bit over our heads. Maybe we all are depriving life from another thing. Maybe we all could learn from the Aliens. Maybe...but now it's too late. It's not right!
Great story, PinkSkink! I loved it! Please keep writing! And i wouldn't be offended if my analysis is totally off, its just my view of it! haha, i even left some stuff out due to time and stuff, if you want i can keep going on about the main body of the story. Thanks for the great piece of writing PinkSkink!
Best Wishes,
Evan B aka NOLA Saint -
Wow, Joshua, you stole what i was going to say about the main body! Lol! I was typing that long essay (XD) and i saw you replyed when i wass typing. I'll offer my view on that later if ya'll want! Also i forgot to give my Rating with my review xP
RATING: â â â â â (4 stars out of 5 - Great!)
--There were some elements where i think you could have explained more. For instance, right after Maclean drives the Aliens insane, you jump to him talking about what happened. Maybe you could've elaborated on his feelings during and immediately following the rescue. Maybe you could've put that in a sequence! Emotions during events (main story) emotions during and immediately after rescue, and feelings in hindsight! Im just saying it would have a natural sequence to it if you added more about the rescue. Overall great! Kept me very very interested and i love the ending! (though i feel bad for the Aliens x(...) -
Thanks for the comments, everyone!
Nola, you're dead on with most of your analysis. This quote:
@unknownuser said:
I think Maclean finally realized that the world doesn't revolve around the Terrans, but that life or the means for its continuation should never be taken away from a person(s) simply because they are seen as different than us. Maybe Maclean was right. Maybe we are in a bit over our heads. Maybe we all are depriving life from another thing. Maybe we all could learn from the Aliens. Maybe...but now it's too late. It's not right!
Is exactly the point of my story. I had originally planned to just end with the irony that water, which is life to us, is death to them. But then I thought, "Wait a minute. Nobody ever asks what happens to the aliens--they're always just portrayed as the villians and everyone is happy when they are defeated." So I decided to make them more sympathetic characters.
And I think you're right, too, about how Maclean would have felt about the death of Ren'Tikdanak if he hadn't been affected by the lack of water. He was a lot more sympathetic towards the aliens at the end of the story.
The reason why I didn't write about what he went through after he drove the aliens insane is probably because he wsa slowly going batty himself.
I really didn't know how to write like a person who's half-conscious and delusional for lack of water (as I've heard that's what dehydration does). 10 days is the maximum time a person can live without water, so he had to be in pretty bad shape by the time the supply ship arrived!And I'd love to see the rest of your analysis!
Joshua, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I think that the only way Maclean could have been made to look at Terrans from his new point of view is if the alien's mind-probe influenced him. I don't really think that it would have been realistic any other way.
Nola, do you do any writing? Your analysis was quite masterful!
Thanks again for the comments!
--PinkSkink
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