Thoughts for the day...

tomsdesk

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said.
"Implants?" She hit me.
I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get
elected.
There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I am a nobody, and nobody! is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days
I've stayed alive.
How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for
Miss America?
Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing
section in a swimming pool?
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"

bytor

Tom - thanks I really needed that.....been a long week so far!

honoluludesktop

Sorry Tom, but you got number 14 wrong, we don't get to choose (vote) for Miss America We should!