Fun little game: Part Deux, continued...
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...and if you did not see this one, well just catch up.
@daniel said:
"I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn't me tonight."Suddenly Kevin the Office Tea Boy (do we REALLY know what he is, after that song?) was interrupted in his musical reverie, when he saw, in the mirror....
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no refelection! as there is no mirror (tool), not to be put down, Kevin skipped off to his audition for Gilbert and Sullivan.
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His arms flailing as he skipped and sang show tunes, Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) made his merry way to the theatre, confident this timehe'd get a part better than that of a prop. Lost in his own world of tea and the performing arts - with SketchUp thrown in there somehow - Kevin was oblivious to the approaching darkness.
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Upon arriving at the casting call location he was full of optimism. That glee soon faded when he was led into a small dimly lit room where, stuffed into a large chair, was the casting agent with two lit cigarettes in hand while another dangled from her botoxed lips. With a wave of her plump fingers and a raised eyebrow she motioned to Kevin to take a seat on her CASTING COUCH!
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It was more like a casting love seat, Kevin the office tea boy (whatever that is) soon discovered when the casting agent, in a move belying her age - and her size - pulled herself out of her chair and slid in beside him, pinning him against the armrest. Like a cheetah on a gazelle, the casting agent afixed her gaze on the wayward tea afficianado and asked,
"I'm casting for a play called LOBSTER LAND.....tell me Tea Boy, how bad do you want the part?" -
Although Kevin was young and naive in true romance, as a tea boy he had much experience in playful flirting with the female staff to whom he delivered tea. Although he didn't want the part "that badly", he knew he could use his tea boy charm and soon tame the wild cougar. So in his best radio voice he flirtatiously advised Mrs. Horndog...
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that there were two reason why he couldn't sleep with her, Firstly he was going to be true to the tea boy code and not sleep with customer and secondly the writer's strike was still in effect.
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.....
(insert chirping cricket)
.....
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The word "eureka" sprang from Kevin the Office Tea Boy's (whatever that is) lips as he snapped his fingers. "I know someone who might be able to help you," he said as he scribbled a name and phone number on a scrap of paper, then handed it to her. Looking at the paper, Prudence the casting agent saw the name....
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and began to laugh. "How on earth is Big Bird going to help me?"
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Kevin smiled. "Think about it" he scoffed as he headed for the door. With out looking back he said "I'm out'a here!". As the door shut behind him Kevin smiled again. He now realized his true purpose in life was to serve tea. It was a calling. His calling.
Just then his cell phone rang. The ring tone identified it was the Pope calling. It had been a while since Kevin last spoke with the Pontiff. As he answered he thought to himself "I wonder what he wants this time?". The Pope said "Kevin my son, I'm need you to..."
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bring me some Thea sinensis.
Kevin immediately complied knowing that the future of his immortal soul was riding on his response. To comply with His Holyness' request, Kevin . . .
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Immediately headed for the docks. He found a cargo ship about to leave for India. Kevin knew it was in the Assum region of India he would be able to personally select the finest tea leaves for the Pope. His timing was perfect - as if predestined. He spoke with the Captain who was happy to take Kevin to India provided Kevin would make tea for the crew. The Captain, in a moment that might foreshadow developments to come, knew a well-tea'd crew was less likely to mutiny. Kevin only sensed the Captain's pleasure to take him along for the voyage. The whistle blew. It was time to depart. Kevin followed the Captain to the bridge. There he met the First Mate. He was a short stocky man named...
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Ross Macintosh. Kevin couldn't shake the feeling that the name was familiar, two weeks into the voyage is dawned on him.
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As he moved closer Kevin realised Ross was not really short and stocky as was his first impression. Ross was in fact a tall, powerfully built man. Kevin couldn't help but notice how incredibly handsome Ross was. He had never seen such a beautiful person. The Captain introduced Kevin and Ross. Upon talking Kevin realized Ross was not only handsome but very intelligent and charismatic. Ross was also very humble and likable. Seeing the way the other crew interacted with the Captain and the First Mate, Kevin understood that Ross was the real, if unofficial, leader of the ship. The Captain in contrast was clearly a few bricks shy of a full load. A slovenly man, the Captain's name was...
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George Bush.
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Captain Bush, embarrassed by the similarity of his name to the 41st and 43rd Presidents of the United States, had adopted Ross Macintosh as his name on various Internet web fora. The captain, knowing that Kevin had assumed that Assum was the same as Assam, had taken Kevin on board for his own personal tea drinking pleasure. In reality, the ship was bound for the land of Assam, http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Assum the land of buttock's so big they looked plural.
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The shear horror of this made Kevin doubt his initial excitement about the trip. The Ross came to him with a problem "Kevin....
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"...I really need your help. Captain Bush is an evil little man who must never reach India. He intends to bomb the India Ink factory in an attempt destroy the Indian economy. He intends to have the cost of labour fall so much that even with his modest retirement savings he'll be able to employ many-many thousands of labourers to pick every last tea leaf in India. His plan is that within fourteen months he will control all the tea in the world!"
A stunned Kevin asked, "how do know this?" to which Ross replied that in addition to being such a beautiful person he was in fact also a spy. He explained that he had been infiltrating Internet forums posing as an architect but his real role was following all talk of tea for a secret agency known as XX9. The Agency's interest in tea relates to the antioxidant properties and the top-secret discovery at Area51 that alien spacecraft use antioxidants as a fuel source. The Agency has reason to believe Captain Bush's interest in taking over the tea market relates to a possible global invasion by Aliens. Captain Bush is either a puppet of the aliens or seeks to profit greatly when the aliens come for our resources. Either way he is an evil man who must be stopped.
Kevin thought about what Ross had said and he agreed to help. Furthermore he told Ross an idea he had an idea about how to stop Captain Bush. The idea was to...
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to distract the captain, Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) told Ross. "Like this" he said, as he began a one man show of the musical "Cats." Our haphazard hero was very proud of his act, having spent many a night between teas practicing in front of a mirror in his mother's basement. He was eager to impress his idol with his dramaturgical talents.
Unfortunately (or perhaps, fortunately) for Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is), the spy Ross was more than a tall, powerfully built man who was incredibly handsome. He was also a man of action. Ross could see that the Tea Boy was getting lost in his own little world of tea and questionable theatrical talents. Ross didn't have time for this. He had a world to save. Grabbing Kevin by the shoulder, Ross lifted him off the ship's deck and shook him back and forth as a child would a rag doll (and for the powerfully built Ross, that is exactly what it was like).
"Get on with it, man! Get on with it"! Ross said sternly yet quietly enough so only the tea boy could hear.
After tossing Kevin into the ship's pilot house where Captain Bush was, the incredibly handsome spy Ross listened. Presently he heard shuffling that he recognized as the office tea boy's verrsion of dancing. Then Kevin's nervous voice singing "I'm the good ship lollypop..."
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