Dear Dogbert - Christmas
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Dear Dogbert,
What can I buy for the man who has everything?
Ashley
Dear Assley,
If he had everything, he’d have a woman who knows how to buy him presents.
Sincerely,
Dogbert
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Dear Dogbert,
How do holiday traditions get started? I mean, who goes first?
Brian
Dear Brine,
Traditions are started by attractive people who are not too bright. Ugly
people can’t start trends, with the obvious exception of scrapping, because
no one wants to do what ugly people do. And smart people are unlikely to
come up with ideas such as killing a perfectly good tree, covering it with
crap, and keeping it in the living room for a month.Sincerely,
Dogbert
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Dear Dogbert,
If I receive a gift I do not like, is it polite to throw the wrapping paper
in the face of the giver, rant about injustice, and sell it on eBay?Martin
Dear Fartin,
That’s one way to go. I also recommend the fake cough with the embedded
funny word, as in COUGHregiftCOUGH! That way, everyone at the gathering
can mock the giver for his poor gifting skills.Sincerely,
Dogbert
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Dear Dogbert,
My parents told me that every time I ask Santa for a gift, an angel will
lose its wings. That seems like a fair arrangement to me, but is there any
risk the wingless angel would fall on my head and kill me?Brent
Dear Bent,
Wingless angels generally burn up on reentry. It’s nothing that a little
shampoo can’t cure.Sincerely,
Dogbert
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