Fun little game: Part Deux, continued...
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...devote his entire life to serving mankind and protecting office tea boys through the powers of SketchUp. In order to do this, he realized he must forgo all wordly distractions and vowed to live the rest of his life in complete, eternal celibacy. With that in mind, he pulled out his portable welding torch and titanium strips he happened to have in his pocket, and fashioned himself a permanent chastity belt. Full of self righteous goodness, Boofredlay turned to Kevin.....and found him gone. Where he once was, the shattered remains of a martini glass. In the distance, a coyote howled.
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Boofredlay then heard a voice say "How can you protect someone if you don't know where they are?" and being a very wishy washy person and easily frustrated. He got angry that Kevin was gone and vowed to kill him so that he could be free from the duty of "Guardian Angel".
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Boo woke with a start.
"Man what a weird dream" he said as he lumbered out of bed.
"Why on earth would I want to kill my own brother" mumbled boo.
Before bed I have got to stop eating... -
...chocolate-covered haggis. Mmmmmmmmmm Haggis." Feeling hungry for the minced sheep inards, Boofredlay made his way to the kitchen.
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It was a long way to the kitchen. Boo was a very wealthy man and so like other very wealthy people he lived in a very big house. It was what was expected of wealthy people. It came with the job. Since his house was so big it took Boo nearly twenty minutes to reach the kitchen. There he found his kitchen staff busy making him a feast. He nodded in acknowledgement then said "I'll be in the dining room" and headed that way. Since the dining room was next to the kitchen it wasn't a very long walk but it was a rather large dining room and Boo's favorite chair was at the far end of the table. Eventually he arrived and sat down. His staid butler pushed in Boo's chair and passed him a folded newspaper. Boo went straight to the financial news and was shocked by the headline: "Tea Market Collapse". Boo's face went pale. He...
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knew a financial secret few even suspected. The world's economy, nay, the very foundations of Western Civilisation itself, rested upon a bedrock of tea. Now that foundation was crumbling. Boo was correct to be worried. What would happen to him and the rest of the robber tea barons? Who could cause this? Boofredlay suspected the Coffee Consortium, headed by...
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..... his fellow Capitalistic robber baron, the evil drug lord and environmental rapist, The Mysterious Yellow Man, Tobobo who, at this very moment was ensconced in his extravagant mansion, Shangri-La in Birmingham UK with Kevin, Tea Boy Extraordinaire, whom he had also promised to protect from the infamous and impotent Boo.
Tobobo, being skilled in the science of horticulture and landscape design, used Shangri-La and its extensive laboratories to .......
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create a stronger more potent strain of super tea, in a bid to save the world economy from the imminent collapse. This scheme (evil or good for you to decided) came to the attention of....
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...the all seeing and powerful Dr. Hagan. Dr. Bernard Hagan. Disguised as a mild-mannered school teacher, Dr. Hagan was actually head of a super secret Australian scientific agency working deep under the ice of Antarctica. Tired of being referred to as "down under," Australia was building the world's largest super magnet machine, the brainchild of Dr. Hagan. Once initiated, the machine would force all the World's compasses to point south. Down would suddenly be up. All the maps would have to be reprinted flipped. Australia would finally be "on top."
Bernard, noticing the alarming turn of events, smiled inwardly. He knew the war between tea and coffee was actually a boon to him. With the World's beverage drinkers focused on them, they were less likely to notice the odd going-ons at the South Pole. For instance, Antarctic penguins suddenly becoming "magnetized."
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What was frustrating for Dr Hagan was that his Snow cat’s keys kept flying out his pocket and attaching themselves to a random penguin; which would wander off into the crowd. The other problem experienced by the Doc was that Dwaine (the lab's live-in tea boy) persisted on messing with the polarity of the magnetisation machine and therefore giving the penguins opposite magnetism. This resulted in the hapless birds either being attached together at great speed or being repelled. One such bird landed on the Doc's snow cat making a rather large stone chip in the windscreen.
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Although Dwaine (the lab's live-in tea boy), seemed to be just "messing" with the controls. Our hero noticed a pattern. Suspecting . . .
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S4's involvement, the doc contacted Riprock, hearing of Dash's excellent handling of Kevin. Suddenly there was the sound of Helicopters and Dash bust in muscles rippling and sweat beading on his brow from the strain of breaking down the lab door. The doc stands up from behind the desk "The door was open you muscle bound fool!"
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"Yes, I know." Ross said with an exagerratd air of nonchalance, and then added "I like to impress myself", rolling the rrrr.
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As the rrrs rolled across the lab, the doctor jumped in surprise and told Dash . . .
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"Dash, with deep shame I feel I must admit my secret to you because you are such a perfect person and I am so very flawed. I'm not a real Doctor. I bought my degree from..."
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Kevin the Office tea Boy (whatever that is - and he's a teacher of tea). In fact, I am only qualified to serve you the very best in fine teas from the world over in the finest silver tea service. The doctor opens his lab coat and pulls out a silver . . .
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... surfer comic book and begins to read.
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Suddenly overcome with deep seatd shame and humility, Ross/Dash fell to his knees. "Oh the humanity" he cried out to the startled Dr. Hagen, and a few startled magnetized penguins. "I cannot go on anymore with this lie! I am not a tall, powerfully-built, incredibly handsome man of intrigue."
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As you know I am tall, powerfully-built, highly intelligent, and incredibly handsome, but I must acknowledge that I am no longer a man of intrigue. My cover was blown when I was featured as 'People' magazine's Sexiest Man 2006. Now I can't go anywhere without people knowing I'm a spy. The 'intrigue' part has really become difficult. Given the circumstances, in place of the intrigue I find I have to rely on my wit, compassion, the magnetic attraction that pulls others to me, and my modesty.
Enough of the sob story! Each day remains a new adventure. We must analyze the situation at hand and determine or best course of action. We have no time to waste...
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...in finding Dash's talent for the 2008 Miss world pageant as last year the rendition of 'the star spangled banner' bombed due to world tensions brought on by the tea crisis.
Mean while in Shangri-La; Toby had failed in his attempt to win the best gingerbread house due to a case of the couch potatoes. But his tea scheme suffered no such fate, as Kevin the tea boy had not wasted the holidays by watching crappy movies and eating vast quantities of food. Ah no our plucky hero was.....
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