Fun little game: Part Deux, continued...
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. . . . . while Keven passed his time with a game of Solitaire, Kevin took a handkerchief from his pyjama pocket to mop his fevered brow. As he did so, a business card fell to the floor. Ms Martini surreptitiously gathered it up, feigning to adjust a buckle on her thigh-high, black leather boots.
She calmly noted the inscription as she slipped the card into the ample décolletage of her leather suit. It read:
Kevin RUDD
Tea Boy Extraordinaire
Dux of Gympie State High School [Italian Prize]I aim to please. Your pleasure is my pleasure.
Phone: +61744897651
Fax: +61744897652
E-mail: kevinrudd@bigpond.net.au
Address: c/- Tea Boys International
75 Lipton Gardens
London SW1V 4DB“Enough of this idleness!” declared a crestfallen DASH RIPROCK, regaining a smidgen of his previous manly composure. “Don’t we have a planet to save?”
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Madame Martini continued “I am the Asian head of the worldwide organization, P.O.P.E.[Purify Our Polluted Environments] NOW. I am here to brief you on your quest to find the one true plant. A plant that will halt our planet’s downward slide into a future full of death, pestilence and destruction -
Camellia sinensis var. magnificum.”
Kevin’s embarrassment intensified when he realized that the glamorous creature before him was none other than his Italian teacher from Gympie High, Ms Martina Martini whom he had secretly fantasized over, ever since he first clapped eyes on her, nearly two years ago.
He wondered whether or not she recognized him, dressed as he was in . . . . . . . .
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Kevin saw that Dash was getting stressed piped up and said "anyone fancy a brew?"
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Our wayward tea boy pulled out a complete tea service from his pajamas (they were very roomy and he had to fill them with something).
"Orange pekoe, anyone?" he asked.
The vampish Martina and incredibly handsome Ross stared at him, dumbfounded.
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Suddenly, Kevin the tea boy vanishes into a pile of pink sawdust, never to be seen again. And walking in with a sinister grin comes a ghastly figure, causing Ross and Martina to faint and be taken captive by...
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Gaieus the Hungarian Hit-man. A ruthless mercenary, this Gaieus was not the same Gaieus who earlier was in cohorts with Susan Sorger. This Gaieus was, for reasons unknown, dressed like a Roman Legion Commander. Ross exclaimed "Hey Cesar is my salad ready yet?" and he turned to Martina and said "The service here stinks worse than a Roman sewer. The contemptuous remarks made the Hungarian Hit-man very angry. He raised his sword to Ross' neck and said "I should kill you now pretty boy!". He did not. Instead he proceeded to tell the handsome Ross and Martina why he was there. "I'm here to... "
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rid the world of all that is fair and good and cute. That is why Kevin had to go. My next task will be the elimination of cute little puppies. So I ask once and only once: Martina and Ross, . . .
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Before he could finish his sentence, the Hungarian was interrupted by a voice behind him.
"Not so fast"!
Clenching his fists in rage, hitman Gaieus spun around cursing to see the fool who dared to interrupt him.
"Ah, it's my archnemisis, Boofredlaaaaaaaaay."Meanwhile, hidden in the shadows, bidding his time, was a mysterious yellow man who was more than meets the eye. At last seeing his opportunity with the current commotion, he sneaked out and collected the pink pile that was formerly known as Kevin the Office tea Boy (whatever that is).
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The Mysterious Yellow Man (MYM) is infact from Shangri-La, now returning to his homeland, having explored and being disillusioned by the world outside Shangri-La. Taking pity on Kevin, or whatever is left of him, MYM reached into the deep folds of his robe and fished out his Magic Wand. Using chants and hand movements passed on by his forefathers, he waved his Magic Wand over Kevin, or whatever is left of him, over and over again, in slow studied motion. Slowly but surely, Kevin reincarnated into an even more handsome copy of his original self. He is now almost as handsome as Ross.
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Quickly patching a few minor glitches on Kevin with duct tape, the mysterious yellow man, Tobobo, who really was more than meets the eye, quickly exited for Shangri-La, also known as Birmingham, UK.
Meanwhile, Gaieus the Hungarian Hit-man and his archnemisis Boofredlay are in a death struggle. The tall and powerfully built Ross saw an opening and...
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... went to Starbucks for a mocha half caff latte. Suddenly Gaieus realized it was refreshment time and made a dash for the pub... Boofredlay had more pressing matters. It was refreshment time for Boo as well but for the flesh of an office tea boy, and he knows exactly what that is.
Mouth watering he is guided by instinct and quickly tracks Kevin down. Kevin never saw it coming. Seeing that he was freshly reincarnated Kevin just couldn't keep it together and it only took one blow to the chest and he was shattered to dust once again.
Adding him to milk, Boofredlay enjoyed what tasted like his childhood favorite. Strawberry Quick. Mmm tasty.
Now, back to finding Gaieus again... -
Boo was suddenly seized by an agonizing stomach cramp, which became so intense he fell to the ground and began writhing on the ship’s deck in excruciating pain. He began foaming at the mouth, his plump form shivering and shaking so violently it became a mass of convulsing pink flesh.
Finally, this writhing mass began to relax and where there had once been the short, rounded form of Boofredlaaaaaaaaay, Gaiieus’s supposed arch nemesis [He was actually the devil, Lucifer in disguise – Why else would he eat our hero?] there, lay before us the clean-cut, honest, generous, and nearly as handsome as DASH RIPROCK - none other, than that miracle of nature, Kevin, Tea Boy Extraordinaire.
Emerging from the shadows, behind this recumbent form, there appeared the unmistakable shape of Kevin’s guardian angel, in the form of . . . . . . . .
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Boofredlay. Boo, realizing that he was now an immortal guardian angel for the new Kevin, which isn't the old Kevin at all, decided that he would...
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...devote his entire life to serving mankind and protecting office tea boys through the powers of SketchUp. In order to do this, he realized he must forgo all wordly distractions and vowed to live the rest of his life in complete, eternal celibacy. With that in mind, he pulled out his portable welding torch and titanium strips he happened to have in his pocket, and fashioned himself a permanent chastity belt. Full of self righteous goodness, Boofredlay turned to Kevin.....and found him gone. Where he once was, the shattered remains of a martini glass. In the distance, a coyote howled.
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Boofredlay then heard a voice say "How can you protect someone if you don't know where they are?" and being a very wishy washy person and easily frustrated. He got angry that Kevin was gone and vowed to kill him so that he could be free from the duty of "Guardian Angel".
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Boo woke with a start.
"Man what a weird dream" he said as he lumbered out of bed.
"Why on earth would I want to kill my own brother" mumbled boo.
Before bed I have got to stop eating... -
...chocolate-covered haggis. Mmmmmmmmmm Haggis." Feeling hungry for the minced sheep inards, Boofredlay made his way to the kitchen.
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It was a long way to the kitchen. Boo was a very wealthy man and so like other very wealthy people he lived in a very big house. It was what was expected of wealthy people. It came with the job. Since his house was so big it took Boo nearly twenty minutes to reach the kitchen. There he found his kitchen staff busy making him a feast. He nodded in acknowledgement then said "I'll be in the dining room" and headed that way. Since the dining room was next to the kitchen it wasn't a very long walk but it was a rather large dining room and Boo's favorite chair was at the far end of the table. Eventually he arrived and sat down. His staid butler pushed in Boo's chair and passed him a folded newspaper. Boo went straight to the financial news and was shocked by the headline: "Tea Market Collapse". Boo's face went pale. He...
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knew a financial secret few even suspected. The world's economy, nay, the very foundations of Western Civilisation itself, rested upon a bedrock of tea. Now that foundation was crumbling. Boo was correct to be worried. What would happen to him and the rest of the robber tea barons? Who could cause this? Boofredlay suspected the Coffee Consortium, headed by...
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..... his fellow Capitalistic robber baron, the evil drug lord and environmental rapist, The Mysterious Yellow Man, Tobobo who, at this very moment was ensconced in his extravagant mansion, Shangri-La in Birmingham UK with Kevin, Tea Boy Extraordinaire, whom he had also promised to protect from the infamous and impotent Boo.
Tobobo, being skilled in the science of horticulture and landscape design, used Shangri-La and its extensive laboratories to .......
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