On marriage and .....
-
I am thinking on marriage nowadays, so thought maybe here is the correct place to share experiences. so let me start by myself:
Majid Yeganegi from IRAN (say it I ruin
) [Majid is an Arabic adjective = superior, and Yeganegi is a pure Persian = unity) and obviously my name describe that I have a multi-cultural mental climate.
seems to be muslem, but in fact am more spiritual to be Christian Jew, muslem etc... BTW I must obey overall rules that are sort of changed Arabic rules...
here when a man marries ,must pay in two ways :"shir baha" [means price of milk that must be paid to her mother!!! an average of 1500usd] and "Mehrie" [ that means "love price"
or something ,an average of 250000usd!!! 
that is on man's duty]
SHIR BAHA must be paid instantly
and MEHRIE ....has several options:
1 man must pay it during a period of time while they are living or on divorsing
2- if divorcing and if man is not able to pay there are two options now :A - man must go to prison!!!( and there are lots of men in prison bkz of it!!!) B- partially is forgiven and partially must be paidI myself have divorced once (and am involved of the last rule!!!
) and so am too afraid to marry again, (while there is no other option to have a partner 
) 
bkz it seems that it is foolish completely!!!!
so thought to ask you, mates, your country rules please... notice that it will help me alot on re-thinking on marriage
-
No rules in my country, Spain
Not even a family affair, if you want to.
donยดt you have any chance at all to live with your partner if you do not get married ?
is it ?
It looks like something to talk about , yes ยกยก
sorry for that mate.
Is it a civil law or a religion law ? what happens if you change your religion ? -
US -
No dowry or bride price, though it is an "old fashioned" courtesy to ask the girl's father for his daughter's hand in marriage. Divorce - depends on the state, but nowadays most states have "no fault" divorce proceedings. The actual ceremony can be as formal or as simple as you like - a huge church with all the trappings of a Royal Wedding or as just signing paperwork at the county clerk's office. That means that essentially all assets are split in half and divided between the two, even if one of the parties was doing something awful in the marriage (i.e. unfaithful, on drugs, disastrous financial irresponsibility, etc...) unless a pre-nuptial agreement has been made prior to marriage regarding assets held. Pretty much reduced to legalities and the like here in the states, not much custom or formality left.
-
thank you Juan and Jeff for starting ...
it is a civil, but religion-based low ( as you now everything here is mixed by religion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
there is no way to live with my friend without marriage.
they are free to kill me if I change my religion , bkz they think that Islam is the best !!! ( imagine it , mate) ( I always ask myself how people go fool by marking themselves by religions! - here am not to be rude or impolite at all, as I believe that all prophets were not saying these sort of things and lots of their thoughts have been changed during the time) -
I fortunately married an orphan so I do not have to pay the mother-in-law off.
:sigh:As for the second one - by the time I pay her debts towards her bank (for at least a cuple of years), I do not think she should ask for anything more (financially).
Joking aside...
In my country/culture, there used to be a custom to "buy the bride out of her previous family" - i.e. something similar that you call "shir baha". After all,my people came from the East (somewhere north of you) and it seems to be a general tradition there...
Later (or maybe better to say a couple of hundreds of years ago), this has changed though and the family of the bride gives some dowry with the bride since for the simple reason that she now belonged to another family, she was not able to inherit any of the heritage of her previous family (boy children inherited). This must go back to ancient Roman law.
There is neither in force nowadays however. Legally at least.
From your example though, it clearly seems that Islamic law is very fair with women. This decadent western civilization tends to condemn Islam (and Muslim countries) because they do not treat women equally - but from that "pay-off", it is clear that once a man wants the partnership of such a "subjected" woman, it is no just pushing her on the streets but sharing the wealth fairly.
Certainly in a completely other way than in the "West" (before and after) but who is the "West" to tell which is the better (and more fair)???
-
Yes majid it is unbelievable how people can get so fooled.
But mind you, things are changing so fast now that maybe soon we will all become open-minded from a sudden
There is only one year and a half to reach the summit 2012
so my advice would be to stay calm
love can not be ruled
can it ? -
yes Gai, as I said it is a mixed culture... and I think that MOHAMMAD the prophet has been wise at his time, when people kill the doughters, he had made rules to be supported -financially at least- but they are not fit to this time in my sight
away from Islam, I am learning verrrry interesting things on different cultures on marriage -
Hi Majid
Really? I would never say...Well, here in Serbia is the same as Gai wrote:
@unknownuser said:"buy the bride out of her previous family"
, and
@unknownuser said:the family of the bride gives some dowry with the bride
. We are neighbors in the end . So I guess this Balkan? rituals doesn't come from religion...But, this is only a performance (taking place mostly in rural places), the echo of some old lows, it doesn't have any real power.But in Iran it is a rule...must say it's not bad! This is a keeper of fundamental values which are going down in modern western - global culture, the keeper of human soul.
@unknownuser said:
and I think that MOHAMMAD the prophet has been wise at his time, when people kill the doughters, he had made rules to be supported -financially at least- but they are not fit to this time in my sight
... Majid, I think there is some things that fits all times. The value of love have to be considered when getting married...An orthodox priest once said that the attraction is given to partners as some kind of loan (credit), which they have to pay back by giving themselves to each other every day until the end of this life, and building the real love on that base (which is not an easy job). It is interesting to me that you (maybe) have the same thing in your lows. Love expressed trough family is the crucial and most expensive aspect of our lives, and marriage is the beginning. In other words - 250.000$ This is the language for wide population.
What your low says about children? Who gets them? -
Hello Majid.
In Holland you can have as many or little ceremonies as you want.
You just have to follow these rules http://www.expatica.com/nl/essentials_moving_to/country_facts/marriage-and-divorce-in-the-netherlands-17013_9324.html?ppager=0
I hope you and your partner will have a long and happy live together.Bep
-
dear Bep, usually children goes to the person that is mentally/physically healthy and is rich enough to care them. usually goes to father
-
Here in Canada Majid, we are multi-cultural. Which means, although our laws would allow for an anything goes situation for living together or marrying, we are accepting of all cultural customs when it comes to this, stopping short of such things as honor killing that would violate our criminal code.
When it comes to divorce though, that would follow the Canadian Law, which pretty much assumes joint ownership of property, and joint responsibility of children. The courts assess each situation individually and rule on the terms.
But even in the case where it is ruled that the for instance, the man in the relationship must pay child support, and "alimony" (money to the wife). If he were not to pay, the law is pretty toothless, and he would almost never end up in jail.
Did you choose your first wife, or is it the custom for marriages to be arranged? -
Dear Dale, my first marriage was my choice
, BTW it was a wrong choice.
nowadays we are in a "transition" time, between tradition and modernity, so everything is changing and needs time to be stable. 
I guess lot's of these rules goe's back to time of tribe human
, while women were "weak" bkz the human body power was base for being alive, (maybe you have seen on some cultures that they kill women , when the man is died, and so she has no support 
)... nowadays this "low" is changed , and they can work and are not "weak" bkz the body power is not the only judgment.
in Iran, our women like to work, that is far from tradition , and their money belongs to themselves , due to Islam , while they also expect "MEHRIE" from men ( that belonges to very old fashions IMO).
-
Latvians had one rather interesting "ritual" of just stealing the bride. That was a sign that the bride was of great worth. The brothers of the groome used to spy on the bride by disguising as simple bypassers asking for a shelter for the night or telling to be looking for a missing goat to find out how laborious the bride is. When they came to steal her, the brothers of the bride tried to fool them by hiding the real bride and tricking them a fake one - a married woman or by dressing in the brides clothes themselves
Now this has become into a fun wedding game for the folks who like to celebrate in an ethnic manner. (don't try this at home please )I guess that happened because of the huge parental and family infuence when it came to marriage in those times. It seems that it was common sense in most of the cultures to require something in exchange of the bride. The family loses a good pair of hands and the workload rises for the rest. But now the parents aren't so dependant of their children, as in most of the western civilisation the pension system forces you to work hard all life for a more prosperous future, rather then raising more kids and "selling them to the best bidder" for a more prosperous future. Either way I don't think it works right, the eastern traditions are clashing against the spreading democratic ideas and the western world is just simply being slowly overrun by the east. And I don't see this coming to a peacefull end for neither.
I guess I brougt up too many topics in one shot, but I wish you luck in your decision Majid.
Advertisement