If life was like the movies...

david_h

If life was like the movies. . . .

You would "meet Cute" beautiful perky girls who just had a bad break up but just can't give up on love. . .and they fall for You, of course--after many hilarious hi-jinks. (any Meg Ryan Film)
No matter how tough life is financially, you can still afford a really great house/apartment/condo in NYC or San Fransisco. (any Meg Ryan Film)
If you had a job in that movie it would be one of those great movie jobs where you actually don't ever have to be at work--but can spend all afternoon in a cute little cafe or restaurant. . .discussing items one or two.
You would have your own Soundtrack of top 40 and/or retro oldie hits following you around.
You would burst into song, for no apparent reason.
All fat/homely people are objects of fun and ridicule. They are not allowed to have a life of their own. they exist only to be cheerleaders for the perky cute people and their relationship woes.
You could eat 50 hard boiled eggs in one sitting and still look like Paul Newman rather than George Kennedy.

solo

With a few minutes of training and a cool soundtrack you can go from a total zero to world champion martial arts champ.

Alan Fraser

No NYPD station house would have been redecorated since 1954

sorgesu

All women could go to sleep wearing full makeup and wakeup with it perfectly in place the next morning.

Women could also lie down in bed and still have their boobies pointing skyward instead of separating and sliding down to either side. ( sorry guys)

No one ever has bad breath when they wake in the morning and are ready for passionate kissing with a loved one.

Love conquers all. All.

Daniel

Crime labs collect evidence, perform autopsies, analyze the data, and solve the crime all within a few days.

remus

@daniel said:

Crime labs collect evidence, perform autopsies, analyze the data, and solve the crime all within a few days.

...and all with the aid of a trusty (and revealing) blue light.

aggie

...and a nice collection if you want some more: http://academic.sun.ac.za/forlang/bergman/tech/glossary/ebert_glos.htm

Alan Fraser

Great collection.

One I didn't spot was:
Every defenceless character (usually female) being pursued by baddies (through the woods or down deserted city streets) will perambulate at a stumbling run and invariably trip over non-existent obstacles. The baddies, travelling at no faster pace than a determined walk, invariably catch them up.

Jackson

newspapers would always spin.

Jackson

Articulated trucks would frequently reverse fast and perfectly straight, without banksmen, blocking narrow roads with no conceivable reason for undertaking the manouver.

Jackson

proprietry software in any office/company/villain's lair would have have an amazing GUI with really impressive graphic effects... even if it's just for tracing a telephone call.

Jackson

... and all cctv images would be zoomable 1000% with no pixelation and just a little blurring.

Jackson

it would rain torrentially every time someone is heartbroken.... but only at night.

sorgesu

You're really getting into this one aren't you Jackson?

Jackson

LOL, it's been a long-time habit of mine: "spot the cinematic cliche". I think I get it from my Dad, he had a knack of spotting anachronisms in films, the best one he pointed out was electric pylons in an old Robin Hood movie.

david_h

Satellites in the movies canRead your PIN number at the ATM,Take over the electronics of your car, and count the warts on a toad's butt but for some reason, we can't find Bin Laden.

Also, when the girl gets chased by the baddies, she is always wearing 4" heels. .. and can run in them perfectly, until for some unknown reason. .. as was stated, the sidewalk reaches up and trips her. Also. .. all the alleys in movies end in dead ends, but there is always a manhole to jump into. (side note. . .sewers don't give off poisonous methane gas or even stink in the movies because. .. as was stated. . .no one has to "deploy nuclear weapons" [go no. 2] in the movies. )

Even after shaving the hunk/stud/heroes still have 3 day stubble on their face and look good with it. . .whereas I always look like a diabetic babboon.

Daniel

English is truly the universal language (and I don't mean just on Earth).

Stinkie

@daniel said:

English is truly the universal language (and I don't mean just on Earth).

lol. That it is: even amongst eachother, Nazis speak English, albeit with a German accent. (I've always loved this one!)

Alan Fraser

Whenever disaster strikes on a global scale New York gets it first.

remus

@daniel said:

English is truly the universal language (and I don't mean just on Earth).

This confirms the long (british) held suspicion that you can talk to anyone in english, as long as you talk loudly enough.