A Redneck Valentine
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Collards is green,
my dog's name is Blue
and I'm so lucky
to have a sweet thang like you.Yore hair is like cornsilk
a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
and without all them fleas.You move like the bass,
which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
but I luv you anyway.Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
right out of the can.You have some'a yore teeth,
for which I am proud;
I hold my head high
when we're in a crowd.On special occasions,
when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven,
and awed by yore charms.Still them fellers at work,
they all want to know,
what I did to deserve
such a purdy, young doe.Like a good roll of duct tape
yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles
and fix what you can.Yo're as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants
I found in my bed.Cut from the best cloth
like a plaid flannel shirt,
you spark up my life
more than a fresh load of dirt.When you hold me real tight
like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete;
Ain't nuttin' I lack.Yore complexion, it's perfection,
like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years,
yore age, it keeps hidin'.Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
with a RC cold drank,
we go together
like a skunk goes with stank.Some men, they buy chocolate
for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
it's romantic that way.Some men git roses
on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.Some men buy fine diamonds
from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever,"
they explain, suave and couth.But for this man, honey,
these won't do.
Cause yor'e too special,
you sweet thang you.I got you a gift,
without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...
IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!! -
Very Good!
I must tell you that the PC term for "Redneck" is "Appalachian American".
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