Fun little game: Part Deux, continued...
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"No I'm not! ... and you can't make me!" he screamed again - this time just like a little boy.
The convertible came to a screaming halt. Martina and her thigh-high leather boots got out.
She lowered her face to the bespectacled, pouting tea-boy, sulking on the back-seat and said quietly and with some degree of sincerity ... -
"Vee have wayz of making little boyz comply", at the same time making snipping gesture with here fingers in the direction of his groin.
Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) stared at her blankly, the meaning of the gesture lost to him.
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Martina, realizing she was dealing with a courageous, though guileless member of the opposite sex, tried another tack - bribery.
"Martina weell geeve Keevie a braand new, geenuine, straw cowboy haat - jeest leeck the one Heeth Leedger vore in zat cowboy movie, if you do zis"
Kevin immediately stopped his whinging and whining and asked, eagerly,
"Just like the one Daniel wears?"
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Please, please, please.
I just love the way it looks. It's much better than the straw boater with the black ribbon I usually wear.
By the way Martina, what do you want me to do in exchange for this wonderful gift?
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Martina sighed "Go to the south pole and look in the penguin situation"
Kevin thought for a moment, a lot has happen in the last two weeks.
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A whole lot. Why, it was as if his whole existence was some game, being played by a group of disparate people, each one sending him off careening in one direction after another. None of it made sense. "If only..." Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) thought to himself (out loud!)"I had a cowboy hat. Then everything would be alright."
As is common with this person, one thought led him to a completely different thought. "Hmmmm......cowboy hat....sheep.....CENSORED!......
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Kevin's daydreams led him to conjure in his mind a scene set high in the Rockies where he, wearing a black cowboy hat, [He would have preferred a straw, rolled brim like Daniel's but a Resistol was okay] was completely surrounded by sheep . . .
http://picasaweb.google.com.au/bernardhagan/SketchUpUpload02/photo#5164102366961485202
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when suddenly the incredibly handsome and tall Ross rode up behind him and asked "whatchya doin bud?"
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Kevin spun around and replied "Why are you talking to my beer?"
Ross appologized and explained that a common problem with the jetset spy lifestyle was the danger of becoming an alcoholic. Ross noted that's why there have been so many different 007's -- each drank themselves into early retirement. And Ross admitted that he too had a drinking problem. He had come to find Kevin to see if some tea therapy might help him beat the urge to drink. Seeing Kevin there with a can of Bud Lite had momentarily made Ross think he would like to drink Kevin's beer. Ross said "you see Kevin, my alcholism has gotten so bad for a moment there I actually considered drinking a Bud Lite! I've never been so low in my life. Oh the horror of it all. If I was willing to drink that canned shit I obviously need lots of help"
Kevin realized Ross was sincere. He replied back "I know a quiet little clinic in Brazil that uses tea therapy to help people like you. Actually I think I need help too: I had lowered my standards so low as to drink Bud Lite. I think it's some kind of death wish. In the last few weeks I've been very confused and stressed out. Together we can go to Dr. Edson's clinic in Brazil and let his tea therapy revitilize us".
With that Ross pushed a button on his watch and up over the ridge came a stealth helicopter that wisked them away. Both Kevin and Ross were happy to be headed for Brazil...
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Kevin turned on the incredibly self satisfied and handsome Ross. "Show some respect! ...... for the creative efforts of others. Don't dismiss their scribblings as beneath your contempt. There are unwritten rules of credibility here that those of us with integrity respect."
He paused for breath.
"Your alcoholism has made you delusional. I'm no longer a drinking buddy of yours.... and cut that crap about spies, stealth helicopters and watch buttons and get back on your horse. I've had it with you and your alcoholic ravings. I wish I knew how to quit you."
The incredibly handsome Ross's face contorted with pain at Kevin's onslaught. He clutched his chest as he slowly collapsed into a sobbing heap.
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On the cold-cold titanium deck, the crushed Ross considered jumping from the helicopter. Either that or slashing the throat of insolent Kevin...
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"S'pose I canit leave you thrashin' about on the ground, mumblin' sumptin' about titanium decks ... or wrecks ... or whatever" said Kevin as he let go of the sheep and approached the prostrate form of the incredibly tall and handsome Ross, still in the grip of an alcoholic fit.
"I wish I knew how to quit you," Kevin thought with some resignation as he adjusted his prized black Resistol.
Our hero, Kevin, the Office Tea Boy, always prepared to help another human being, no matter how degraded by the demon drink, failed to understand how warped and twisted Ross's alcohol soaked brain had deteriorated. He unsuspectingly bent down to help the convulsing form back on his horse when ...
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Ross mumbled something to the effect of "At least I didn't pay $300 for a hat."
Kevin, began to wonder if helping the handsome, good-looking, attractive, dapper, spruce, virile, well-built, athletic, personable, strong, muscular, easy on the eyes, tall and dark, cute and hunky Ross was really worth his time. Then Ross said something which made Kevin jump back in horror. "And I wouldn't drink Tieguanyin if it were served to me on a silver platter" and collapsed.
Ross, was lying on the rocks high in the mountains completely unconscious. Kevin, looking at Ross, then looking at the sheep, then looking again at Ross . . .
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Kevin had an epiphany (there are salves for that, ya know) when he saw Ross not as a handsome, good-looking, attractive, dapper, spruce, virile, well-built, athletic, personable, strong, muscular, easy on the eyes, tall and dark, cute and hunky super spy, but rather for the frail vulnerable person he really is - like a little white puppy wearing a red shirt and earings (????).
Kevin the office tea boy (whatever that is) was distracted from his thoughts by a loud voice,
"Kevin."
Started, he fell over the prone form of Ross and sprawled through the dust before righting himself only to see he was surrounded by sheep.
"Kevin."
Looking first one way then another, our intrepid brewer of tea scanned for a face to match the voice.
"Who said my name?"
"I did, you twit."
"Who?"
Then Kevin's eyes bulged out like a pekingese's, for at that moment a ram stepped forward from the ring of sheep and said "I did".
"but...but...but..."
"What.....billions of years of evolution and you think yours is the only species to develop speech or intelligence?" The ram answered. -
Suddenly the ram stood up on its hind legs and slapped Kevin around the face.
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(LOL..welcome back Toby)
Crying like a girl, Kevin ran off, his arms flailing in the air. He could hear the herd of sheep thundering after him.
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As our plucky hero tries to make good his escape through a tunnel, he fails to notice the rumble of the chasing herd has suddenly ceased.
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As he ran deeper intot he tunnel, Kevin the office tea boy (whatever that is)noticed it was gettng darker until he could hardly see. Suddenly, he went sprawling, his head landing on a cold metal shape. Feeling his way, our intrepid but hapless adventurer discovered it was a rail. Feeling further, he discovered the rail was resting on some boards....no, some timbers.
"Wait a minute...this is"
A loud, deep horn drowned out the end of his out-loud thought. Looking up, he espied a circular light growing larger and brighter.
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Kevin braces himself for the inevitable impact.......
Then Kevin looks up thinking he should be dead and the light has stopped 2 inches from his face.
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There in front of him, was an old-fashioned looking locomotive. Only this locomotive was made entirely out of green glass, and glowed slightly. Stepping down from the locomotive were a small group of people, all wearing matador costumes.
"Excuse me, I hope our time traveling machine didn't scare you. We are from the future. We have come back in time to find the founders of the New World Order. They started in something called the SCF."
Kevin the office tea boy (whatever that is) just stood there and stared at them....for an uncomfortably long time. In the distance, a coyote howled.
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