Fun little game: Part Deux, continued...
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As you know I am tall, powerfully-built, highly intelligent, and incredibly handsome, but I must acknowledge that I am no longer a man of intrigue. My cover was blown when I was featured as 'People' magazine's Sexiest Man 2006. Now I can't go anywhere without people knowing I'm a spy. The 'intrigue' part has really become difficult. Given the circumstances, in place of the intrigue I find I have to rely on my wit, compassion, the magnetic attraction that pulls others to me, and my modesty.
Enough of the sob story! Each day remains a new adventure. We must analyze the situation at hand and determine or best course of action. We have no time to waste...
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...in finding Dash's talent for the 2008 Miss world pageant as last year the rendition of 'the star spangled banner' bombed due to world tensions brought on by the tea crisis.
Mean while in Shangri-La; Toby had failed in his attempt to win the best gingerbread house due to a case of the couch potatoes. But his tea scheme suffered no such fate, as Kevin the tea boy had not wasted the holidays by watching crappy movies and eating vast quantities of food. Ah no our plucky hero was.....
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sewing sequins to his bathing suit. It was all part of his new plan....to be part of the first all male team to compete in synchronized swimming at the Olympics. And his partner was none other than Prince Edward (to the chagrin of Edward's wife).
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, Tennessee to be exact, Daniel was returning from a hunting trip and ruminating on the odd prey he had bagged; a talking moose and a gray flying squirrel. What was even more amazing to Daniel was that before he mixed that cold medicine with the bottle of Bailey's he had never even picked up a gun, much less hunted.
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Little did Daniel realize that back on the other side of the world . . . Bali in fact . . . Kevin, our plucky hero had cast aside foolish sequined fripperies and all associations with any country whose head of state was not democratically elected . . . so that he could save the planet from the looming disaster of global warming . . .
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However, although he had surprisingly mastered the science of brewing tea in all it's permuatations, he was, to be honest, somewhat dim-witted, as illustrated by the rather odd situations he repeatedly found himself in. Our poor hero, Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) failed to grasp the nature of the problem, and instead concentrated on the literal meaning of the three word 'global', 'warming', and 'problem'. With an alarming speed often displayed by such people when left to their own devices without supervision, KTOTB was nearly complete constructing his global air conditioner before anyone realized what was happening. Bali USED to be a nice place.
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. . . and still is, despite the influx of moneyed, European, American and Australian tourists who have tried, like the infamous and Mysterious Yellow Man, Tobobo, to subvert this tropical paradise into their particular distorted, criminal and vandalized view of Shangri-La.
Unfortunately for them Kevin, Office Tea Boy Extraordinaire was, at this very moment hard at work fabricating his miraculous global air conditioner based on knowledge gained from his secret research at the lair of his guardian Tobobo, the Mysterious Yellow Man in Birmingham, UK.
To the less perceptive and those of weaker and purely academic intellect, KOTBE, appeared dimwitted and always in a muddle - however his global air conditioner to save the world from global warming was a brilliant concept, based on the completely opposite principals as current, polluting, energy wasting air-conditioners. It used basic organic laws of photosynthesis, convectional air flow and the phenomenal absorption of carbon dioxide by specially designed plants – especially TEA [Camellia sinensis var. magnificum].
As he worked, single mindedly on his invention, KOTBE, was unaware that he was being observed. From his headquarters in Birmingham, UK the yellow hand of Tobobo, TMYM adjusted the image on his surveillance monitor. His large eyes bulged even more at what he saw . . . .
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He could see German agent Franziska Loewenkatze in the background and she was chowing down on what looked like a deep-fried turkey drumstick! Tobobo was astounded. Not at the size of the huge drumstick or her gusto in eating it, but that she was there at all. What the hell was his old flame Franziska doing there with Kevin? The Argentina Incident of 1999 was the last time Tobobo had seen Franziska. She had double-crossed him and broken his heart.
As the emotions bubbled back up to the surface and a few tears formed in Tobobo's eyes, he could hear Kevin the Tea Boy saying to Franziska...
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"Hi Mom. What are you doing here"?
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The lightbulb above Tobobo's yellow head lit up as a math equation entered his head. Franziska + Tobobo = Kevin? He wondered could his on / off relationship with Franziska over all those years past have resulted in a "Kevin"? He thought back to the last times he and Franziska's lives had come together. He recalled the reluctance she had in updating him on the things that had been happening in her life. Now he found himself wondering if Franziska had been hiding the existence of a son. His son!
Just then Franziska replied to Kevin...
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"I never told you how your Father died did my boy?". Kevin looked up at his 5'9" Blonde supermodel mother in anticipation. "He was murdered by Tobobo in Shangri-la 15 years ago." This steeled KOTB in to action, he was going to hunt Tobobo down and make him pay.
As Tobobo was perfecting his milk infusion technique the door flew off it's hinges. When the dust cleared Kevin was standing then with his Tea spoon clasped in his fist and anger on his face. With a loud masculine voice "I am Kevin Decimus Meridius, The Office Tea Boy, Commander of the Tea forces of the north, Son to a murdered Father, brother to the traitorous Dwaine and i have come for my revenge."
Then Tobobo drew his tea spoon and dashed for Kevin hoping to gain the initiative. Soon the clash of steel filled the room, each combatant gaining the upper hand then losing ground to the other. In a desperate bid end the conflict Tobobo shout over the din "But Kevin I’m your farther"........
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Kevin: No. It can't be. That's not true. That's impossible!
Tobobo: Search your feelings Kevin... you know them to be true.
Kevin: NOOoooo!
Tobobo: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? That spoon you hold?
Kevin: This tea spoon?
Tobobo: Yes. I forged it when I was 7 years old.
Kevin: No! ... Wait, huh?
Tobobo: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself. An office Tea Boy (whatever that is)...
Kevin: But.... But.... In the UK, it's considered a position of some responsibility.
Tobobo: I was a night attack, paratroop, grenadier commander by the time I was your age.
Kevin: Well, it's not my fault...
Tobobo: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo. Nobody loved me... waahhh wahhh!"
Kevin: Shut up!
Tobobo: Oh, for the love of the Money. What a wus. Nanny nanny boo boo.
Kevin looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Tobobo: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine.
Kevin steps off the platform, and plunges down the shaft.
Tobobo looks down after him.
Tobobo: And get a haircut!
Kevin: NOOooooooo! My hair is all I have left.
(Shamelessly adapted. Stolen?? from http://www.firsttvdrama.com/funstuff/vader1.php3 and I think there there was some movie.)
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Walking away with his head down and a tear forming, Tobobo thought to himself that he should have handled that better. Kevin came away thinkng.....
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Thank goodness there was a ledge just two meters down. Wow, the incredible To-Bob-O is my dad? That explains . . .
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...yellowish complexion and bulging eyes."
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... my sharp intelligence and interest in botany and landscape design ... but how does Tobobo's evil ways fit into this? Unless he was once, like me - a little goody-two-shoes - and has been forced to the dark side by . . .
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the need to pay off his gambling debt before his family gets "offed".
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While Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) was pondering these things, a bird alighted on the ledge. Forever saddled with a morbid fear of birds ever since the infamous and embarrassing chicken farm incident, Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) screamed like a little girl and gave a jump. Unfortunately, being on a ledge, there was nothing else to jump onto. Had this been a cartoon (and who's to say it isn't), one would have seen the comical yet resigned look on our hero's face as he floated there in space for a second before gravity overcame him and he plunged downward to the busy street below.
Oh, No! Is this the end of Kevin? Will he ever fetch a cup of tea again?
Never fear, gentle readers (and brutish ones, too), for right before our accident-prone subject matter expected himself to go SPLAT! on the pavement, he found himself in a crumpled heap in the back seat of a fast moving convertible. Pulling his ankle from behind his neck, Kevin pulled himself up to a sitting position to see that the car was being driven by none other than...
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Martina!
"Kevin, we need you for another mission, this one is going to be cold" Martina explained over the noise of the roaring V8. "You'll have to go and investigate reports of penguins being magnetised to the side of ships"
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"No I'm not! ... and you can't make me!" he screamed again - this time just like a little boy.
The convertible came to a screaming halt. Martina and her thigh-high leather boots got out.
She lowered her face to the bespectacled, pouting tea-boy, sulking on the back-seat and said quietly and with some degree of sincerity ... -
"Vee have wayz of making little boyz comply", at the same time making snipping gesture with here fingers in the direction of his groin.
Kevin the Office Tea Boy (whatever that is) stared at her blankly, the meaning of the gesture lost to him.
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