How to give a cat a pill
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HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL
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Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
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Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
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Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
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Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
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Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
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Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
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Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
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Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down the straw.
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Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply a plaster to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
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Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
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Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
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Ring fire service to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
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Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
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Get spouse to drive you to A&E , sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
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Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
- Wrap it in bacon.
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LOL, that was funny Alan. I've had to give my cat a pill, so I can relate!
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Sounds very familiar. I have a cousin who doesn't drive. When she comes to visit, she brings her cat with her by train...about 250 miles. It's a major operation getting ours a mile down the road to the vet. They spread out like Garfield so they won't fit into the cat box.
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LOL...!
I am fortunate that the cat who would react like this (the last time she was at the vet, with a quick paw lash no one saw coming, she split the lip of the tech who required several stitches, poor girl) doesn't need the pill I have to give everyday to my other cat. He loves me so much, it seems and I like to think, that all I have to do to keep him from spitting the pill out after shoving it down his throat is lean my cheek down for a sandpaper kiss...he swallows every time so he can comply.
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MY GOD Alan, my stomach is hurting from laughing so darn much! Now that's funny!!! We had a cat up until about 2 months ago, so I can relate.
LOLOLOL
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Funny! Reminds me of when I lived on a farm and had to teach a calf to eat solid food(for real).
I used to look after the cat of a friend of a friend, and it required a pill with it's meal. After listening to her instructions on how to give the cat it's pills (for kidney ailment, so it was important cat got it) in which it frequently spit it out, I opted to crush the pill between two spoons and mix it in the food. Problem solved. Seems logiocal to me, but I keep encountering people who go through the difficult task of trying to cram it down the cat's throat.
Cheese works good for dogs' pills too, if you don't have bacon handy.
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